When you prepare yourself to improve the psychological safety of your home, one key place to begin with is by initiating conversations in a healthy way. At times we can be the harshest on our children —criticizing, correcting, focusing on their mistakes and not their successes. A conversation around offering feedback or criticism is understandably a tough one.
For example, when we call a child lazy for not doing anything when they are at home, we aren’t actually helping them come up with a productive solution. What can you say instead?
Here are a few common scenarios where you can ask different questions than the one we are used to, based on our conditioned understanding so far.
The links at the end of this post will show you more examples on influencing your child in a way that they are receptive.
How to approach criticism:
Criticising someone, a child or adult, can sometimes happen spontaneously without a proper understanding. That can lead to an unproductive conversation. Instead, in order to nurture psychological safety in your family and home, it is important to learn about offering constructive criticism.
Here are a few points to keep in mind:
- Before offering the criticism or feedback, ensure to have a clear background of their actions and the intentions behind it.
- Direct the criticism towards the behaviour or mistake you have identified, and not towards your child
- Be mindful of modeling the better behaviour that you have spoken about to your child, in yourself as well.
How to initiate healthy criticism
Mistakes are an opportunity for learning and children should be encouraged to take risks and explore different ways of doing things. For many adults, it’s difficult to know how to react when children make mistakes. So how do we initiate healthy criticism without making our children feel like failures?
- Observe the child’s actions
- Talk to the child and understand their intentions behind the action
- Ask if they would know other ways to do the same task
- Offer your suggestions in a constructive tone
- Always remember to talk about the behavior and not the child
‘Listening’ is a crucial aspect of the process
When we create an opportunity for the child to first share their intentions around a particular action that we think could have been done better or differently, it serves as a foundation for a safe space between the parent and child. If we want the child to listen to us, it is important for us to first be a listener. Ask the right questions to understand their intentions, and in a compassionate tone. Gently remind yourself that shaming and blaming will not promote a listening space.
To conclude this post, do remember that nurturing psychological safety and working on things around it is a learning in progress for both you and your child. So, focus on building better communication everyday to create a safe space with each other.
Criticism and psychological safety – https://www.instagram.com/p/CdsxPrEpYyh/
Influencing in a healthy way – https://www.instagram.com/p/CdidRmmJ49z/
5 steps to initiate healthy criticism – https://www.instagram.com/p/CdvYdh8J7Yo/
Listening as part of criticism – https://www.instagram.com/p/Cdx6-hVpjnG/